I can’t believe, it’s been 1 year and about 2 months since my arrival to Armenia. Time is racing with the speed of light and I think time is winning. I seems I only blinked once, laughed once, had one meal and already so much is past and so many memories are made. Most of the A16 volunteers have already left, this will be me next year. I don’t even think I’m ready to think about that just yet. Just yesterday I was looking at all my pictures of captured moments and still events from my time in Armenia, everything from the first horovats I ate, the first speech I gave to a group of Armenian speakers, the first class I taught, the first wedding I went to,the first time I left my family in Arzakan, my first day at Bella café in C-town, the first time I pretended to weed my yard so my neighbor would see me and insist on doing it himself because I’m an ahchik and all my countless, splendid nights in Yerevan; unbelievable, where has time gone to hide? I’m now friends with the lady at Bella, even her son has a picture of me on his computer, I always have a place to stay when I’m in Arzakan, I can say I have family in Yerevan, I know where at least 7 pre 11th century cathedrals are located,I don’t absolutely need to have a microwave, hot water, a shower, tv dinners,a French press,Starbucks, or a restaurant on every corner of the city I live in,I can argue with the best of the taxi drivers, I know now I can survive on very little, I can wash 2 loads of clothes with 3 buckets of water,I can survive a scorpion bite, I can have my own horovats, I can… not shower for 5 days and still be presentable for the public, I can hold conversations in Armenian,I can sleep on any concrete or wood floor, I won’t get an anxiety attack if I don’t know where I’ll be laying my head the next day, I worry less, my neighbors can show up at my house and I’ll have tea, coffee and sweets ready to go, I’ve been a camp counselor and an educator, a neighbor and a friend, I’ve given some but received so much more and . . .I’ve changed.
I stopped blogging because it became hard to negotiate what I should put online and what I shouldn’t and rather than try to balance all that I wanted everyone to know with what should be held in my own confidence, I opted to keep a private journal. Reading it yesterday was like watching a timeline of my own growth. The spectrum of emotions I went through in the time was like riding a rollercoaster except then I couldn’t see when the loops that would throw my upside down and leave me hanging for days at a time were coming, until, I was caught in them. Hindsight has revealed so many lessons to me. I’m much more patient and tolerant, the hazy sketch I had for my future is so much more definite and concrete with all the brightest colors you can imagine, and it makes me smile to see where I’ve come from and where I’m going. I understand myself more as an individual and I know my limits and ooooweeee that’s an awesome feeling.
The new A18s will have their swearing in a few days from now and I’ll be there for that. Guaranteed , I’ll be taking pictures like it is going out of style because I want them to be able to preserve these memories too and I want them to see how much they have grown 1 year from now when myself and my fellow A17s are leaving. Hahaha I’m the older , more archaic generation now, there’s so much irony in that. I wonder if this is what it feels like to get old? One day you just realize it? and you realize that you are now a more seasoned individual. If it is then I had an awesome dress rehearsal because I already have a lifetime of awesome experiences to keep my nostalgic, day dreaming mind occupied for some time to come. Ah well . . .ais kan
Love Danyajan.
The epic conclusion (not really)
8 months ago